You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
