The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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