From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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