Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
