I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
