if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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