Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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