i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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