Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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