i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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