Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
