My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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