Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
