My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
