1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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