That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
