He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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