What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
