we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
