allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
