hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
