is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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