My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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