this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
