I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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