Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You took a bar mat shot.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
