areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
