Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
false alarm, still single
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
