i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
