Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
