Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I got inside last night via doggy door
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
