I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
