I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
