Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
