I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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