How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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