porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
