There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
