I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
