I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
