Got a toothbrush?
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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