He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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