My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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