New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
