I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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