I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All I want is dick and wine.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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