That's when you crack a 10am beer
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
did i just pee glitter
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
