You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
