quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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