i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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