he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
