so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
