i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
