I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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