Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
