I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Can you bring me the toilet please
We had sex on a dog bed..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
