Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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