the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
