Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
