Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
