Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
