Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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