I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
